Monday, December 5, 2011

Herbert Higglebottom's Email

You know Elf on the Shelf? Well, Ray and Chay's Resident Elf is named Herbert Higglebottom.

And he's upset. Ray and Chay have not behaved the past few days. So they received the following email from Herbert this evening:

Herbert Higglebottom to ep.miller


From the Desk of Herbert Higglebottom

Audrey and Chayton Miller's Resident Elf


Dear Audrey and Chayton,

Due to my recent reports to Santa Claus about your behavior yesterday and today, Santa has decided to keep me back at the North Pole so he can watch you himself. He is concerned with your behavior and has decided that I am not to return until you can earn your way back onto the Nice List.

To earn my presence back, you need to be on your best behavior at all times and in all places. No fighting, fussing, crying or general rebelrousing! Goofyness is allowed of course. The goofier the better! (Unless you are disrupting class....then stop it!)

Now be good for goodness sake.



Herbert Higglebottom
Your Christmas Elf

Sunday, November 6, 2011

The One Where Ray Cheered and Chay Rocked the Redskins

Ray had a chance to cheer with the Panther's cheerleaders for the game against the Redskins. We couldn't resist signing her up.

Ray and her mentor, Laura R.

The fun part of the whole thing is that she would be cheering at the half time of the Panthers v. Redskins game. How great is that?

So of course we had to dress the boy up in the Red and Gold's finest.

Charlotte used to be Redskins' territory prior to the Panthers. We found a parking lot hosting a Redskins tailgate. These two were a total hit.

Sworn Enemies

Yes. I did that to my son's head. And I'm proud of it.

Fans of both teams stopped us constantly wanting to take his picture. I can't tell you how many Facebook pages that kid is on.

And now, it's half time!

That's Ray, 7th from the bottom of the G on the 30th Yard Line

And that's her on the 4!

My girl was so proud of herself and I couldn't be more proud of her. She was a brave and beautiful little cheerleader. Now I need to come up with the money to keep her cheering for the next seven years!

I just wish the Skins won!

Monday, September 19, 2011

She's Famous

Ray: (Singing) Alright, uh huh, I'm famous, uh huh, alright, I'm famous...

Chay: What's famous mean?

Ray: It means you get whatever you want and you don't have to pay for it. Uh huh, I'm famous, alright, I'm famous...

She's famous alright.

Friday, August 26, 2011

She's Ramona

Family movie night was anchored by 2010's "Ramona and Beezus." Two fabulous quotes came out of Ray's mouth during the movie.

"I'm just like Ramona without the messed up hair!"


"I'm not even gonna watch this. It's just nonsense!"

I don't think I need to explain the first quote. The second was said during a scene in which Hobart proposes to Aunt B. Ray closed her ears, started humming and then came out with that humdinger. Thank goodness E was standing in front of the sink when he spit his beer out.

I guess she has something against marriage.

Thursday, May 19, 2011

Roly Poly

I came home from work today, and Chay was excited to tell me about his new best friend.

Chay: Mommy, guess what!

Me: What? You went to Australia today?

Chay: What? What does that even mean?

Me: Nevermind. What do you want to tell me?

Chay: I made a new friend today!!!!

Me: Wow! Who is it?

Chay: His name is Roly Poly and he's a beetle. Did you know birds eat beetles? I hope a bird doesn't eat my new best friend. But he rolls up into a ball and he's a potato bug!!!!

Apparently, Chay is the bug equivilent of the Dog Whisperer.

Except, when he introduced me to Roly Poly, it was obvious that Roly Poly had been squished to death by a good intentioned 4-year old who just wanted to give his BFF a hug. Chay swore up and down and West that Roly Poly was sleeping. So he gave him several more hugs and placed him back on the lawn chair he was "sleeping" on.

Before bed, Chay had to give a night kiss to his BFF and came back inside crying his eyes out.

Chay: A bird ate Roly Poly!

Me: No, it didn't. (Thinking: Oh, crap! How do I deal with this???)

Chay: Yes, it did! Birds eat beetles! And Daddy said he couldn't come in the house! So, a bird ate him!

Me: (Cuddles while thinking, Oh, Crap!)

E: How do you know he didn't just wake up and crawl away?

Chay: Cuz he was up high on the chair! A bird ate him. It's all your fault!!! (Bawls and cuddles into me)

Me: I think Daddy's right. He could have unrolled himself and crawled down the leg. (Thanking E privately for that out)

Chay: You think? Maybe he stayed rolled up and he just rolled off?

Me: Of course! He just went into the woods. Maybe he'll come by tomorrow to say hi.

Chay: He's not coming back! A bird ate him! I need a bug box!

E: You've had two bug boxes and broken both of them. You aren't getting another bug box. Roly Poly is just fine.

Chay: I need a bug box. So I can keep my next Roly Poly in a cage.

Because that's how you treat your BFF. But, on the bright side, he's ready to move on to his next best friend...

Wednesday, April 6, 2011

Overheard Conversation

Chay: "Ray, Let me ask you a question." Ray: "What?" Chay: "How do you know everything?" Ray: "Huh?" Chay: "How do you know everything? You know about everything? How you know dat?" Ray: "I just feel it." Chay: "Like you feel the Earth?" Ray: "Yeah. I just feel it."

Saturday, March 19, 2011

Ray is Almost as Big of a College Basketball Fan as Me

While we were at lunch today, the restaurant we were at had college hoops tournament games playing. Ray focused on the Kentucky v. WVU game, and as usual, she was rooting for whoever I was, which in this case, was WVU. She was cheering loud and taking it seriously. At one point, after WVU made a free throw to take the lead, but KY got the ball, her response was, "Oh, man, we may have a problem. Kentucky got the ball back!"

Ray was such a huge hit at the restaurant that the manager came over and asked us which game we wanted to hear over the sound system. He turned the music off so that my girl could listen to her basketball game. That's impressive.

Yep. She's my mini-me and I am proud.

Monday, February 28, 2011

My Chivalrous Little Man

Chay loves his mommy. A lot. He has my back and looks after me like my little man.

Chay likes to take his time at things, just like his dad. Its an annoying habit because he's slow. To get him  moving, E likes to say, "the last one there is a rotten egg!" For some reason, I am always in the back of the line, and this bothers Chay immensely. He refuses to let me be the rotten egg. If he thinks I will be, he yells, "Mommy, hurry! You need to beat daddy, you can't be the rotten egg!" Sometimes he'll even fall on the sword for me and be the rotten egg.

The other day, he didn't realize I was in last place when Daddy yelled, "Last one in the house is a rotten egg!" Chay stopped, gasped in horror, and grabbed my waist before stepping over the threshold. At the exact same time. Once inside, he said, "Now Mommy, neither of us are the rotten egg cuz we bof came thwough the door at the same time!"

Over the weekend, someone dropped a glass on the tile floor, which sent glass shreds all over the kitchen. While cleaning up the mess, I stepped on a tiny piece of glass and it is still wedged up in the ball of my foot. I was complaining about it when Chay asked what happened. I explained, and he sat down on the couch, tapped the seat next to him and said, "Mommy, sit down. I'll get it out for you." He sat there, analyzed my foot, dug around (it tickled) and claimed he found it and saved my foot. The glass is still there, but its the thought that counts.

If he keeps this up, he's going to be a good man when he grows up.

Friday, February 18, 2011

The Desert

Charlotte reached record heat today. And this is what Ray had to say about it:

Ray: Mommy, its so hot! Its like the desert! It was 76 degrees today. So hot! I am sweating.

Me: What are you talking about? You lived in Florida for the 5 of your 6 long years. This is winter weather.

Ray: No, Mommy, this is desert hot. I am melting.

This conversation was held at 7 pm when it was approximately 65 degrees. I guess my Florida girl has turned into a Northerner.

Monday, February 14, 2011


We recently took a spontaneous trip to Florida. I woke up at 7 a.m. and decided I was tired of being cold, so I texted E and said we were picking up Ray from Kindergarten at school at 2:30 and were going to be on 77 S by 2:35.

While we were at the beach on our first evening for a sunset, Chay decided it would be fun to randomly start punching Papa. Papa was laughing but respectfully asked him to refrain from punching him. He didn't, so E pulled him aside and had a little talk with him.

After the talk Chay came up and gave me a big hug and said he was sorry to ME. I didn't really understand what was happening until E piped up, "Not to Mommy, apologize to Papa!"

Chay responded, "But why? Papa's still happy with me!"


Sunday, January 16, 2011

We Don't Eat God, Dear

We have recently started attending a very cool little Episcopalian church. Because last year sucked so brilliantly, and 2011 isn't looking up, I thought it was time to get the mini-me's into something positive. So, God, it was.

I really like this church. It was our second week attending, and it was our first week sending the kids to Sunday school, which they attend during the first 3/4 of the mass. At the beginning of the Offering, the Sunday school teacher sends the kids back to their parents for the rest of mass.

Last week I explained to Ray and Chay that during communion, the host represents Jesus' body and the wine represents his blood, which he gave to us when he was crucified and rose from the dead. Chay was a little freaked out and wanted "nuttin' to do wit dat bwood."

This week, Ray was a little enthusiastic about going to church. When it came time to go to Communion, she yelled, "Yeah, its time to eat God!"

Thankfully, only the people in front of us heard her. And, time for me to explain Communion a little better.

Putting a Positive Spin on 2010

In general, I cannot say that I am sad that 2010 is over. To put it mildly, 2010 sucked. But upon reflection, I am able to find some diamonds amidst all that mud.

I made new friends and reconnected with old ones. I bonded with family, grew closer to cousins I lost touch with, and became incredibly close to an Aunt I really never knew previously. I walked my daughter to her first day of Kindergarten (twice), and I gave my son his first (and second) mohawk. I laughed and cried with some of the best people in the world. I shared fabulous meals from DC to Key West to Winnipeg, ate lots of pizza, and rode some excellent roller coasters. I ran in a half marathon and jumped in bounce houses with the kids. I also watched many beautiful sunsets on the beach AND we threw snowballs.

Let's see how many better adventures we can have in 2011...